Anyways, the article has plenty of Vikings’ fodder, which in some ways eases the pain of the playoffs loss, but also highlights the desperate need for Zygi to pry a competent quarterback away from some other NFL team.
Actually, here is my plan, since you asked. Acquire Drew Bledsoe. Buyout his contract with whatever McDonalds he is working at, perhaps give him a Sam’s Club membership, and get him into camp. Now. It is scientific fact that by starting the season with Drew Bledsoe as your 1st stringer, you are guaranteed to bench him by week three only to have your back up quarterback lead you to a playoff bid (see Tom Brady and Tony Romo). So, once Bledsoe is removed, we replace him with Matt Cassel (we traded for Matts Cassel and Leinart for insurance policy in the off season – keep up with the story (plus we have current backup John David Booty)). Cassel continues to throw for 400 yards per game while Adrian Peterson is cryogenically frozen (so that we can unfreeze him and have him return in peak physical condition during the Playoffs for the next 25 years). On top of this, Cassel is backed up by the two former USC starters. He will remind them daily that they might have spent a few years in Southern California having fun, impregnating basketball players, and chumming it up with Pete Carroll, but he now makes millions of dollars (Leinert’s money all goes to child support) while they are forced to instead to drive a Lotus instead of a Maserati. Who says life isn’t fair.
I know some of you are still doubting me. I understand. “This can’t happen,” you say. The Vikings wide receiving corp is still a weakness. It is to this master plan what Greg Oden’s 50 year old knees are to the Portland Trail Blazers. I agree whole heartedly. So how do we fix it? Bring Larry Fitzgerald back home? Get Randy Moss to return to his first NFL team? Too logical. No no no. Instead, the Vikings will parlay Brad Childress’ manstache for the rights to the Lopez Twins (Robin & Brook) and their glorious hair (their contract will stipulate that they grow it out to be long enough to flop out of their respective helmets). These two 7-footers will revolutionize the game. With their combination of speed, height, and comedic timing, the Viking’s new, record breaking passing game will make fans forget Randy, Chris and Jake ever donned the purple and gold. It will be glorious. Just watch. Once all this happens, the only thing that will stand in the way of building the decade’s next dynasty is if karma in fact exists and Lions are rewarded for suffering through Matt Millen. Screw you karma.
