All that annoying stuff you hate? Blame Advertising.

Baby steps.

“Hey… Hey girl… Can I hit you back?”

I fell in love last year. In love with a six month old baby whose days consist of cuddle battles and mercenary clowns. In fact… I remember oh-so-well the first time we met. Just like it was yesterday…. (Cue dreamy music)

Well… The Baby is back and smarter than ever. E*Trade has released this prequel to their Super Bowl spot(s).

It makes me smile to see smart advertising like this. It’s like eating my mom’s freshly baked chocolate crackle cookies on Christmas day with a tall glass of milk. Why? The Baby was a hit last year, especially amongst young working males (perhaps that is a statement of symmetry in itself, but I’d rather not point that out). Young working males who sit on YouTube the majority of their working day (Except me, Megaboss. I work all day long… Promise). E*Trade posts this extra footage on YouTube where everyone can see it, send it and embed it. The kids get excited, share it with friends, and are actually looking forward to the commercial when it airs. Advertising an Advertisement. Ridiculous? Not when that spot costs $3 million just to air.

When Five Feet is a World Away

As I’m writing this, my roommate sits five feet away typing away on his computer. What ever happened to human-to-human interaction?

There are lots of reasons why the virtual world can be more alluring. I’m not going to run into Alex at the local Piggly Wiggly, but I can contact him here. I can’t talk to anyone in Des Moines about Michigan football. But I can go to MGoBlog anytime I want and interact with hundreds of die-hard Maize and Blue fans from across the country. With chat and email, I can talk to friends across the globe who would otherwise be, well, half way across the globe and impossible to communicate with. It’s powerful. The virtual world takes location out of the equation.

But what about when the virtual world doesn’t meet your needs? When we all crave real life, human-to-human interaction? Well… often times everyone else is still in their virtual world. It’s an odd conundrum. You are right next to so many people, but yet don’t even interact with them, never mind connect. And nothing can replace sharing a moment with someone face to face.

For capturing this sentiment, I love this Coke Avatar spot. Perhaps I’ll remember this the next time I get a text during dinner and ignore everyone around me. Or as I blog about a commercial while my roommate sits five feet away watching Youtube.

Vagabond Linkage Crab Dribbles a Hologram Alex.

Crispin Porter + Bogusky wins Agency of the Year from yet another industry publication. Congrats Alex.

Alex and the boys kings' of the castle again

Two quotes I’d like to highlight:

“Our clients are really brave,” noted Mr. Reilly, co-executive creative director. “There’s a lot of guts out there, and in a bad economy to have this kind of bravery and the foresight to know that this is the kind of environment where it might help to scream a little louder.” Andrew Keller, who is co-executive creative director with Mr. Reilly, said: “A lot of our clients realize that the greatest risk is potentially not taking any risk at all. People don’t have to listen, they don’t have to pay attention anymore.”

I’ve been in advertising for a short while, and I can tell you the client/agency relationship is huge. Getting a client to buy into your crazier ideas is almost as important as the ability to develop the ideas in the first place. No genius escapes the agency doors without client approval first.

There’s a tendency, especially in America, to “root for the underdog until the underdog really starts to win,” said Mr. Steinhour. “When people hate on us … in some ways, we use it as a fuel.” Said Mr. Reilly: “There’s a knock on every agency … and certainly the agencies that are a little more high profile, the Goodby’s, the Wieden’s. What really matters is that the companies we represent are doing better than when we started with them.”

And for all the mud they sling, most critics would still kill for a chance to work with these guys. Felix, a blogger at the Denver Egoist, is a case in point. “Several of their recent ‘big’ ideas were recycled, either from themselves or other work,” he recently wrote, adding. “But I’ll still take a job at CP&B. I’m just mad … not insane.”

This succinctly provides a rationale for the Bogusky-hate.

Tyrus Thomas denies LeBron James’ Crab Dribble.

Kudos to Scott Van Pelt for belittling James’ Crab Dribble. One more reason James will never be better than MJ. Jordan never broke the rules to win.

Researchers unearth a massive ant colony.

Does political correctness stifle advertising?

Facebook kills the Whopper Sacrifice campaign, claiming they are not fans of free PR and adding enjoyment to peoples’ lives.

So I emailed this question a ways back:

I’ve recently been having cravings for Paul Reveres’ breadsticks, Whoppers from Burger King, milkshakes through extra long straws, and Penelope Cruz. But more than anything, as of late, I’ve been experiencing trouble with the ladies. I’m your normal proportional American guy, can you please explain my sudden cravings and lack of sustainable romantic relationships?

Thanks,

Starvin…for some lovin.
In DMI.

- – -
[My response]

Dear Starvin…

Your first few cravings are very normal. Regular humans cannot resist anything on that list, as they are all members of the Things I Like To Eat Club. They have only one ingredient: Deliciousness.

Anything in the Things I Like To Eat Club is to be savored and never taken for granted.

As for your second issue, I believe I have a solution for you. Many men become frustrated with the opposite sex, as today’s conventional wisdom leads men to think women want a certain type of mythical man who treats ladies right and isn’t a jerk.

This is America, though – as opposed to England, Australia or Macedonia where some of our readers reside (I kid you not) – you have a distinct advantage. We have the American Dream. Just look at Michael Phelps. All you really need to do – focus your energy into being very good at one thing, and your lady troubles will start to crumble away.

Many girls like guys who are really good at something, whether it be a sport like water polo or a hobby like making millions of dollars so you can swim in your lake of gold coins. Some may call these females jersey-chasers or gold-diggers, but really it is the result of millions of years of evolution (as so many things are).

Instinctually, females are in charge of raising the family. This is not a stereotype or a sexist viewpoint, but rather what the females in the vast majority of species do. The female at the very least will house the offspring for a duration of time, and then raise the offspring up until the point that the offspring is able to survive on its own.

The male can have differing levels of involvement, but at the very least, he will contribute his DNA to the offspring. So, it stands to reason that if you as a female have one guaranteed contribution from your male partner, you want it to be as good a contribution as possible.

Millions of years ago, when little miss primate roamed the earth looking for a mate, who do you think she felt had the better genetics? The primate who wakes up at noon every day, lives on his buddy’s couch and considers a 40oz from the local Kum & Go to be a complete meal – or – the primate who gets up early every morning to work out, eats his bananas three times a day and shows his testicular fortitude by competing against the other non-shmo primates in a television event broadcast to the entire forest?

Look at it from little miss primate’s perspective. When she becomes mama primate, she doesn’t want to deal with a baby primate who sniffs his own farts and asks if its ok to convert the extra downstairs tree branch into an apartment at the age of 25 so he can finally have a little independence. Mama primate is no fool. She wants the baby primate who can peal his own bananas and leaves the tree on his 18th birthday so she can watch primate Oprah in peace as soon as possible. Which papa primate has a better chance of providing primate Oprah sooner?

We can all succeed at some level at some thing. You just have to try. Armed with this knowledge you should have the motivation you need. The harder your work, the greater your skill level will grow, the more success you will achieve, the more little miss primate will say, “I’d like some of his DNA.”

- – -

Well, some scientist somewhere must have seen my hypothesis and gone to town, because a new study from Newcastle University found “Wealthy men give women more orgasms.”

What’s next? “Men prefer young, attractive women with exquisite culinary skill and a penchant for minding the step children.”

Twitter once again proved it’s mettle during the Hudson Plane Crash. I heard about it on Twitter before it hit the news (which obviously is proof enough).

So Twitter gets the news out there quickly. But it has unverified voracity. Regular news feeds have verified voracity (allegedly), but slow response time.

Hmmm….

Enter Yahoo’s new Frankenstein search engine: TweetNews. It basically listens to what is happening on Twitter (so the ‘hot’ stories are on top) and then provides links to major news sources. It’s pretty brilliant.

Our world may be a giant hologram. Um… Ok. The article was a bit above my head. But, good-on-ya to my hometown Fermi Lab for the contribution.

Awesome new Coke vending machine at CES.

New Burger King sandwich in honor of the Hudson Pilot.

The Curious Case of Forest Gump.

First Al Gore doesn’t get mentioned in the History of the Internet video, and now this!

Chevy’s Chevyness Seeps into Ads

Somethings just make sense.

Ok. Usually my temper only flares this much while driving in Iowa and during Michigan football games.

But I cannot resist.

Chevy. You suck. You just asked the American tax payers for $35 billion because you suck. By suck I mean don’t know how to build a car, truck or van that people are willing to spend their money on. Think about what you did. You went to the government like a pauper in a jet plane and asked for a hand out from the very people who refuse to buy your inept product. Your commercials shouldn’t say “buy our cars,” they should say “pay your taxes.”

Ok. Enough on that. Your products suck. They have sucked for a long time. You have refused to acknowledge it. You are now suffering for it, kinda.

But these commercials just exacerbate your inneptitude. First of all, why attack Dodge? They suck just as much as you. This is like the last two kids on the bench playing one v one for hours on end just to see who gets in the game first when your team is down 45 points.

Also, you really think people aren’t buying your car because of manliness? I know truck drivers are a different breed. And I don’t even care about making fun of effeminate behavior. During the last Superbowl critics were ruffled by this Richard Simmons spot because they said it was homophobic. The spot is funny because Simmons is annoying as sin. Not because he is gay. Just ask David Letterman. Annoying is not exclusive to gay men. Plenty of wives drive their husbands nuts every day.

Back to you Chevy. Thought I forgot about you? Not a chance. You attack the other awful brand to try to improve your image and sales? I disagree with the attack mode in the first place. But if that’s what you want to do, at least attack a successful brand like Toyota (Which they do in another arrogant spot). But why go the arrogant attack ad route? Look at Apple. They let PC look stupid on its own. Mac doesn’t sit there pompously insulting PC. Instead PC falls on his own sword each time.

But if you want to actually improve your brand, how about you tell us why your cars are good. How about not acting like arrogant (insert slanderous term)s when you just took all this tax money because you refuse to listen to customers. I understang the agency can’t do anything about their client’s product at this level. But there is no good brand identity. America’s truck? Do you understand people’s perception of American car brands?

In all this darkness, there is a bright spot. Chevy is at least trying to fight. You can argue there are other ways of doing it, but the worst plan is to sit back while your brand dies a slow death.

But with death and taxes as life’s only certainties, perhaps Chevy isn’t so stupid after all.

Neil Patrick Harris Gets His Bogusky On

Neil Patrick Harris hosted SNL this weekend. I for one am glad the election is over, because SNL’s bias killed the humor. If you can’t poke fun at both sides (with the same amount of disdain), then don’t bother.

Anyways. NPH tore up SNL. The most Boguskyrection worthy skit, of course, was the following.

So, the question is, Good or Bad for BK? Burger King gets made fun of, but they basically got a free two minute commercial during quasi prime time.

Crispin Porter + Bogusky was most assuredly smiling throughout the entire skit. Any agency that declares that the Gates/Seinfeld debacle was only suppose to last two episodes “just to start the conversation” certainly follows the “any news is good news” mantra.

My two pennies? The skit didn’t change opinions. Most people who cared about the spot – whether they be advertising nuts, anti-American-Take-Over-the-World types, or just social commentators – already loved or hated the Whopper Virgin spots. Seeing this skit only confirmed it.

Your thoughts?

(Bonus NPH)

Vagabond parlays for karma fighting greatness.

A few videos to butter you up, then a thesis on the Vikings. Enjoy the weekend.

History of the Internet video. I wish it covered more of how the internet works today, but really, if I were to read the title of the video I shouldn’t expect anything more than what it gave me. I do wonder when and where Al Gore comes into the picture though. 

Courtesy of Piotr.

Courtesy of Scottlup.

Latest Bill Simmons article. I often wonder if Simmons actually types out his articles, or just uses a speech to text application. It is impressive.

Anyways, the article has plenty of Vikings’ fodder, which in some ways eases the pain of the playoffs loss, but also highlights the desperate need for Zygi to pry a competent quarterback away from some other NFL team.

Actually, here is my plan, since you asked. Acquire Drew Bledsoe. Buyout his contract with whatever McDonalds he is working at, perhaps give him a Sam’s Club membership, and get him into camp. Now. It is scientific fact that by starting the season with Drew Bledsoe as your 1st stringer, you are guaranteed to bench him by week three only to have your back up quarterback lead you to a playoff bid (see Tom Brady and Tony Romo). So, once Bledsoe is removed, we replace him with Matt Cassel (we traded for Matts Cassel and Leinart for insurance policy in the off season – keep up with the story (plus we have current backup John David Booty)). Cassel continues to throw for 400 yards per game while Adrian Peterson is cryogenically frozen (so that we can unfreeze him and have him return in peak physical condition during the Playoffs for the next 25 years). On top of this, Cassel is backed up by the two former USC starters. He will remind them daily that they might have spent a few years in Southern California having fun, impregnating basketball players, and chumming it up with Pete Carroll, but he now makes millions of dollars (Leinert’s money all goes to child support) while they are forced to instead to drive a Lotus instead of a Maserati. Who says life isn’t fair.

I know some of you are still doubting me. I understand. “This can’t happen,” you say. The Vikings wide receiving corp is still a weakness. It is to this master plan what Greg Oden’s 50 year old knees are to the Portland Trail Blazers. I agree whole heartedly. So how do we fix it? Bring Larry Fitzgerald back home? Get Randy Moss to return to his first NFL team? Too logical. No no no. Instead, the Vikings will parlay Brad Childress’ manstache for the rights to the Lopez Twins (Robin & Brook) and their glorious hair (their contract will stipulate that they grow it out to be long enough to flop out of their respective helmets). These two 7-footers will revolutionize the game. With their combination of speed, height, and comedic timing, the Viking’s new, record breaking passing game will make fans forget Randy, Chris and Jake ever donned the purple and gold. It will be glorious. Just watch. Once all this happens, the only thing that will stand in the way of building the decade’s next dynasty is if karma in fact exists and Lions are rewarded for suffering through Matt Millen. Screw you karma.